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Biker Jokes -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle,Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hangout with anyone you want to in heaven."Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God."St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle?"Arthur said, "Yeah, that's me...."God commented: "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke, "Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman? "God said, " Ah, yes.""Well ," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention: 1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion 2. It chatters constantly at high speeds -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Biker Vs. Sparrow . Spw A biker is riding along a country lane, when a sparrow flies up in front of him. The biker can't do anything and hits the sparrow. As he looks in his rear view mirror, he sees the sparrow lying in the road. Being the kind of guy he is, he stops, picks up the sparrow and takes it home and puts it in a cage, still in a coma. When the sparrow wakes up the following morning, he looks through the bars of the cage and says, "Shit, I must have killed the biker". -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- You might be a diehard Harley Rider if, YYYt Be a Diehard YHarley Rider, ifYoiuYou Might yyy444LBe a Diehard Hrley Rider,if: 1: You call your bike your woman -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- New Biker 10 Commandments New Biker 10 Commandments 1) WE DO NOT HOLD! (purses, beers, coats and other peoples shit, etc.)
3) NO FREE RIDES! (some type of payment is expected) 4) ALWAYS AVOID ASSHOLES AND PEOPLE WITH PROBLEMS! (red necks in big trucks, 18 wheelers, and don’t get cut-off by sleds, fences, and holes larger than thy front tire) 5) HOLD NO OTHER BIKE HOLY OTHER THAN THY HARLEY-DAVIDSON! (You may wave at riders of rice burners, however you must help a “brother” in need) 6) BE KIND TO OLD PEOPLE, CHILDREN AND ANIMALS! (also don’t litter and “Don’t mess with Texas” remember the Guadalupe River Flood in October l998, water rights are free to everyone, not just land owners) 7) HONOR THY FODDER AND MUDDER AND TO THY OWN SELF BE TRUE! 8) ACCEPT THAT THERE IS A “HIGHER POWER” THAN OURSELVES! (and He rules. Ask Him to “show you the way” to serve Him every day of your life) 9) DO NOT STEAL, LIE OR KILL! (except if hungry, answering your old lady or fighting) 10) HONOR THY BROTHERS AND YOUR COLORS! (Our Colors Don’t Run) --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Florida Biker And His Babe................... Click Here For Funny -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women; when I shower, watch TV, eat, whatever, everything seems to make me think of women." Then she got up and left. The biker was thinking about what just happened when a man sat down next to the biker and asked, "Are you a real biker?" He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm driving along on the highway
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- FBI Bikers For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the male bikers to a large metal Door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her! The man said, "You can't be serious, I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home." The second male biker was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home." Finally, it was the lady biker's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, cut, bleeding and dishevelled, she wiped the sweat from her brow. "You bastards" she said, "this gun is loaded with blanks, I had to beat him to death with the chair!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Damn It Grandpa He got up, staggered to the table, leaned over, looked the biggest one in the face and said, "I went by your grandma's house and I saw her in the hallway, buck naked. Man, she is fine!" The biker looked at him and didn't say a word. His buddies were confused, because he was a bad ass, and would fight at he drop of a hat. The drunk leaned on the table again and said, "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!" The biker still said nothing. His buddies were starting to get mad. The drunk leaned on the table again and said, "I'll tell you something else boy, your grandma liked it!" The biker stood up, took the drunk by the shoulder and said, "Damn it, grandpa, you're drunk. Go home!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cure For Baldness... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A ten year-old boy was walking down the street when a big man on a black motorcycle, pulls up beside him and asks, "Hey kid, wanna go for a ride?" "No!", said the boy, and he kept on walking. The motorcyclist pulls up to him again and says, "Hey kid,, I'll give you $10 if you hop on the back" "NO!" said the boy and proceeded down the street a little quicker. The motorcyclist pulls up to the boy again and says, "Ok kid, I'll give you $20 and a BIG bag of candy if you hop on the back for a ride." At this point the boy turns around to him and screams angrily, "Look Dad, YOU bought the Honda, so YOU ride it!!
Happily Married Biker
He sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table: "Honey, So he goes to the kitchen, and sure enough there is a hot breakfast Bob asks, "Son, what happened last night?" His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious, broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door." Confused, Badass Bob asks, "So, why is everything in order and so His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We can only hope this is somewhere us Biker want end up.
One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley. Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life. Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse! Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned. The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best Pals. A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life! The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thingy and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life. The moral of the story? "When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A Biker in the News... A biker is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the BIKER GANG MEMBER ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The $100 TATTOO Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, Larry replies, "I was out getting a tattoo." "A tattoo?" she frowned "What kind of tattoo did you get?" "I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates," he said proudly. "What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain. "Well, one, I like to watch my money grow. Two, Larry is recovering in room 232 at General Hospital I saw you, hug your purse closer to you in the grocery store line. But you didn't see me put an extra $10.00 in the collection plate last Sunday. I saw you change your mind about going into the restaurant when you saw my bike parked out front. But you didn't see me attending a meeting to raise more money for the hurricane relief. I saw you roll up your window and shake your head when I rode by. But you didn't see me riding behind you when you flicked your cigarette butt out the car window.
I saw you complain about how loud and noisy our bikes can be. But you didn't see me when you were changing the CD and drifted into my lane. I saw you yelling at your kids in the car. But you didn't see me pat my child's hands knowing she was safe behind me.
I saw you cut me off because you needed to be in the lane I was in. But you didn't see me leave the road. I saw you, waiting impatiently for my friends to pass. But you didn't see me. I wasn't there. I saw you go home to your family. But you didn't see me. Because I died that day you cut me off. I was just a biker. A person with friends and a family. But you didn't see me. Repost this around in hopes that people will understand the biker community. If you don't repost this, it sucks to be you. I hope you never lose someone that rides. EVEN IF YOU DON'T LIKE US, RESPECT OUR RIGHTS TO RIDE WHAT WE CHOOSE AND A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his The poor little guy starts crying. 'Come on, man, I was just giving you a hard time,' the 'This is the worst day of my life,' says the little A Little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his The poor little guy starts crying. 'Come on, man, I was just giving you a hard time,' the 'This is the worst day of my life,' says the little A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his The poor little guy starts crying. 'Come on, man, I was just giving you a hard time,' the 'This is the worst day of my life,' says the little |
